Ever reach your hand inside your pocket and find a $20 bill? That rips right? proboably one of the sweetest discoveries you can have. Heck, even finidng $1 in your pocket is kind of awesome. It’s also very cool to think to yourself you’ve got an exceptionally high bill coming due, only to discover it’s 1/3 of what you thought. My point. It’s fun to find something unexpected. In the following case, finding something unexpected was very bad.

Let me give the pre story.

During high school a pair of grimey swim shorts was passed back and fortyh between my vehicle, and my friend Aaron’s vehicle. With occassional stops in Pecos’s car, or Jason’s car. They would ride around until discovered, then find their way back to the other people. Teams naturally formed, with Pecos and myself on one side, and Aaron and Jason on the other. I remember one time hididng them on Aaron’s truck, near the back bumper, and the shorts discovered a way to block his liscense plate from being properly viewed…which apparantly isn’t something the law is fond of…so they pulled him over, and gave him the shorts. To that point, that was the best reveal someone had for finding out they were in possesion of the shorts. The game faded out….

Fast forward about 10 years.

Aaron, Jason, Trent, Pecos, and myself have been going on an annual camping trip for about 5 years now. On the very first trip, Pecos found a pair of his skid mark infested skivies, and decided to let them ride home with Aaron and Jason. They, were apparntly not willing to have them come along, so they gave them back…and the exchange continued for many miles down the road.

The underwear eventually ended up going back to Sacramento with the boys, and I’m sure eventually ended up in a landfill somewhere, or on a homeless man. For the most part, the hikinks of hiding shorts again faded out…

Fastforward to yesterday morning.

I’m staying at my wife’s place. She and I are trying to revive our marriage. I’m lying in bed with her, thus far it’s been a pleasant morning. She has one pillow. I brought mine from home.

She pulls out something from a pillow case.

“What are these?” she asks me, holding a pair of black underwear.

“Why are your underwear in your pillow case?” I ask her.

“These were in YOUR pillowcase.” she adds.

“Why are your underwear in MY pillowcase?” I respond.

“THESE ARE NOT MY UNDERWEAR!” She correct. Wives are funny about finding other people’s undies in their husbands possession.

This is the part where very bad feelings engulf my entire body.

You think to yourself, “WTF? I KNOW I have not had any females even near my place…I haven’t washed the pillowcase since I bought it a few weeks ago…where did they come from?”

Panic is very bad, because it causes temporary brain failure, and this period of failure is seen by your spouse as ‘excuse mode’

“WELL WHERE DID THEY COME FROM? WHO’S SKAGGY PANTIES ARE IN YOUR PILLOWCASE!?!”

thankfully after a few moments, my brain restored proper thought, and I figured it MUST be from the last camping trip with the guys which had been 2 weekends prior.

I tried to explain it out, which I’m guessing seemed a) typical of a response, and b) not very satisfactory.

“They’re not mine.” (no s**t) “I have no idea how those go there…I bet it was one of the guys 2 weeks ago.”

“You’ve had these in THERE for TWO weeks?”

“uh, yeah…”

So I immediately go into crisis resolution mode, and call Pecos…who is of course not home. I don’t have his cell number, so I call his wifes, and eventually Pecos gets on the phone.

He laughs at me.

F- you pal.

He informs me that he found some orange shorts on his car as well. This makes me feel better, because someone was indeed messing with shorts and other people.

I get Aarons’ number and call him. He is asleep. I tell his wife, wake him up…I’ll deal with him being cranky.

“dhfhf-fh–hello?”

“DUDE! Did you put dirty a*s panties in my pillow case?”

“oh…yes that was me…let me ex-”

“MY WIFE FOUND THEM.”

“uh..let me explain.”

“Tell her.”

He expalined the story. She was still grossed out we’d put undies in one another’s possession, specifically women’s undies, but she mellowed out considerably.

I felt better agian too.

later that night Aaron called to apologize (although I assume he laughed his a*s off at some point)

He informed me that after we had gotten back from rafting, during our camping trip…he had gone to change in the tent…and discovered black undies in his backpack…immediately he thought he’d been duped…and being as I was the last person IN the tent…he figured it was me…and hid them in my pillowcase. I left early the next morning, and they were all still asleep. They didn’t think to tell me about said panties in pillow case. I didn’t think to check. On the way home, Aaron remembers…oh yeah those are his wife’s undies, from theirr family camp out the week before (and they are clean he informs me) But again, he fails to inform me…so those undies stay in their locale until yesterday morning.

and thus, I can safely say, There cannot possibly be a more distrubing horrible reveal of being in possession of undies than this…so as of now. Game off. We need to find another practical joke to play on each other.