There’s a certain guy I see around town occasionally, and every time it happens I’m left shaken. He’s quite obese, wears greasy sweatpants, and rides around in a cart with his enormous belly exposed. He’s got an “outie” the size of a grapefruit, and sits in a way that makes it seem like he’s trying to show it off to the world. I know teenage girls like to show off their midriffs, so maybe he’s just trying to do the same. I really don’t know, but this poor guy certainly has something funky going on.

He’s usually smoking when I see him. The first time was when I was walking into Safeway last summer, as he scooted out into the sun on his lard cart. It whined as he rolled away, puffing a cigarette as the sweat glistened on his massive outie. I stood there equally surprised and repulsed at what I’d just encountered, and a few other shoppers had the same reaction. It was as if we’d all just suffered a light trauma.
That he had apparently been smoking inside Safeway was worth noting, too. Either he’d only been in there for a few seconds, or nobody had been brave enough to approach him. I think it was probably the latter.

For those of you who remember Pear Head, this guy looks like he could be a close relative.
I saw him again a couple of days ago, scooting down the street with the same creepy, dazed look in his eye. His navel protrusion was looking better than ever, still prominently displayed.