One of my most memorable food moments was in Munich Germany.

I’ve been to Munich 3 times, and all three times I arrived by train. The Munich train station is very modern, and pretty typical of what I would imagine most of Germany’s train stations look like. During the world cup they had a huge screen showing soccer matches for people in the train station. It was the little things like this that made me believe the Germans were making strides in making their establishments very hospitable to travelers. In addition to some novelty shops, and magazine stores, there were a few restaurant type places. These weren’t your normal sit-down type restaurants, but more walk up places, like you’d see at the fair. Most of these places served typical German food, like sausages, and pretzels. One particular cart had these AWESOME looking sausages. I had to eat one.

The man who worked there was a very gruff looking man, with a shaved head. He kind of looked like he would be an extra on Hogan’s Heroes or something.

I went up to order my sausage.

The man had been outside talking to a friend when I arrived. Me wanting to eat was a disruption to whatever Fascist conversation he was having apparently. The man kind of grumbled, and came to take my order. I’m not really a big fan of the guy who tries and stare you down and intimidate you as you order your food. I don’t speak German, so I had to do my best without.

I pointed to the sausage I wanted, and he of course was staring me down, so wasn’t watching where I was pointing. He put the wrong style of sausage on my plate. I had to say. “No this is the wrong kind, I wanted that kind please.” He kind of huffed, and threw the other sausage on the grill thing again, and grabbed one of the other. I knew this small event had upset him, because of the forceful way he was slinging the sausages around.

Finally, I had the appropriate sausage on my plate. The man threw some mustard out the little window, took my money, and shut the window.

I wanted ketchup too.

Huge mistake.

I knocked on the window and the ” cook” came back, opened the window, and proceeded to give me the stink eye.

“Could I have some ketchup please.”

He kind of stared at me like I wasn’t making any sense. He grabbed some ketchup, but took away my mustard. I now had no mustard, but ketchup.

I had to knock on the window again.

He was really pissed. I could just tell he wanted to hurt me very badly. I explained that I wanted ketchup AND mustard both. He tried to explain to me that we got one or the other, it was more money for both. I tried to find out how much it costed for both, which was a mistake. I guess he got frustrated trying to explain it to me. He called me something nasty in German ashe threw some mustard at me.

“Ahk Afin Schroben.” or Something like that. I assume it meant “Now go die Yankee blue-Jeans!”

I walked to my hotel and ate my sausage.

Delicious.

I wanted another one.

The only problem was, I would have to go back and face the Sausage Nazi. I decided that it couldn’t be THAT bad, so I walked down to the train station to get another. The Nazi was helping someone else at the time, so I got in line behind him. He saw me waiting, and kind of mumbled something to the person in front of me who turned and looked at me, so I KNOW he was talking about me. The man got his food and left. I stepped up to the counter, and pointed to the sausage I wanted. The man started pointing to some sign that was hanging there.

“Schroben Schroben Schroben!!!!” he said.

I was a little confused. I couldn’t read the sign. I asked for clarification. “What does it mean, sorry, I’m not really good at German.”

“Schroben Schroben Akt Schroben. Lunch. Come back Later. Schroben Schroben.”

“Lunch? You just served that guy in front of me?”

He didn’t even give me a response, he just shut the window, and went back outside to smoke, drink beer, and plot the rise of the 4th Reich.

I was going to get that sausage.

I sat and waited, and waited.

Other customers would come up, he’d get up and greet them, get their food, then look at me, snarl, and go back outside. Finally, he went back inside, and I went over to get my food. He put the sausage on the plate, and charged me extra I swear. He gave me ketchup and mustard, but held them up and made a stupid face so I would know he was giving me both, and to not ask. He took my money, mumbled something about “Schroben Schroben” and then went back outside. He and his Cohorts stared at me as I left, and mumbled to each other.

The story should end there but it doesn’t.

That was my first trip there. I went back 2 other times. It’s like the guy has a perfect memory. The minute He sees me, he starts to snarl. Once he closed up shop and left at like 4 in the afternoon. I didn’t even GET a chance to order, he just left. One other time I think I surprised him, because I ended up getting my food.

He threw kethup and mustard at me, and mumbled a little “heh heh heh Akt ik Akt Schroben Schroben Schroben” as he left. LIke he was saying “seeee I remember you yankee scum. enjoy this meat, it’ll be your last.”

He never give me a chance for a second sausage though, because as soon as I got that first one, he’d leave and go out of site.

I’m going back there someday, and I AM going to get another sausage, whether he likes it or not.